Frillies Are Coming to Town!
Philadelphians can ignore centuries of historical and cultural achievements just as easily as New Yorkers in the interests of throwing a few cheap shots out before a baseball game.
For instance, if we really wanted to, we could waste our time creating play-by-plays that have absolutely nothing to do with baseball, although we might be forced to accomplish this tremendous feat without being able to lean on the think-tank efforts of three professional tabloid reporters.
While bad humor can be difficult to parody, we just might be able to manage:
8 Reasons Philly Blows the Copper Skirt Off NYC
1. Claim to Fame:
Philadelphia: Signing of the Declaration of Independence (i.e. birthplace of America)
New York City: Wall Street Crash of 1929 (i.e. birthplace of the Great Depression)
2. Statues:
Philadelphia: Dickens and Little Nell — the only known statue of Charles Dickens; sculpted by American Francis Edwin Elwell
New York City: Statue of Liberty — One of three copies; the French must have had nowhere else to fit this one.
3. Pastimes
Philadelphia: Working to become the greenest city in the U.S. by 2015 in order to set an example for other cities.
New York City: Shivering in their Jimmy Choos and attempting to divert attention from the returning Champs by writing poorly researched “news.”
4. Ballparks
Philadelphia: Citizens Bank Park named the Most Vegetarian Friendly Ballpark for three years in a row — because we believe our patrons are capable of reading other words than “steak” off a menu.
New York City: At Yankee Stadium, you can spend $11 for a beer.
5. Ties to Royalty
Philadelphia: Birthplace of Grace Kelly, Princess of Monaco.
New York City: The Princess of New York — a 1921 film. You’ve never heard of it because they lost it. It was that important.
6. Historical Figures
Philadelphia: Benjamin Franklin — Founding Father, inventor, writer, printer, politician, soldier, diplomat.
New York City: Henry Hudson — Spent his life searching for a non-existent passage through the North Pole. He died when his crew mutinied against him and set him adrift on a small boat. Apparently, they felt that merited naming a river after him.
7. Exhibits
Philadelphia: Travel to the Rodin Museum to see the largest collection of Auguste Rodin’s works outside of Paris.
New York City: Travel to Madame Tussauds New York to see one of the world’s largest collections of wax.
8. Sports Tough Guys
Philadelphia: January 11, 1976 — “Broad Street Bullies” teach the “Red Army” how to play hockey.
New York City: August 16, 1920 — After a pitching accident, a player on the opposing team ends up dead. Yankees’ blunder leads to the introduction of batting helmets into baseball.
Prometheus Baked 